The Principles of Friendship (Part 1)
Who wouldn't want a friendship like that of David and Jonathan where their souls were "knit together"? That friendship endured both good times and bad and transcended even death and lingered in memory to future generations. Think of the friendship of Ruth and Naomi which was based on mutual love and admiration with nothing to be gained by the friendship.
There is also the friendship of Hushai to David. He is called "David's friend" several times (2Sam. 15:37; 16:16-17). David sent him back to thwart the good advice of Ahithophel after Absalom had taken over the kingdom.
A great friendship makes life sweet and the longer the friendship lasts, the better it becomes. Friendships like good wine get better with age.
The Bible, in both the Old and New Testaments, uses primarily two words in Hebrew or Greek that are translated "friend." One means a companion or comrade while the other is used of the friend for whom you have affection. After all, companions can become dearly loved friends in time.
Why Do the Rich Have So Many Friends?
"The poor is hated even of his own neighbor: but the rich has many friends" (Prov. 14:20). And, "Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbor" (19:4). Psychologists and other social scientists believe that relationships are set up and maintained on a "quid pro quo" (something in exchange for something) basis. If that be so, then we can see immediately why the rich has so many friends.
The rich has something to offer to the relationship. S/he brings money, if nothing else. Money can translate into many things -- entertainment, travel, food, things, etc.
But the poor and the sick are avoided (Psa. 38:11-16; 88:15, 18). Even when the poor calls after his relatives and his friends they still leave him (Prov. 19:7). Why?
Friendships are built on some form of exchange. What do you bring to your friendships? Think of the people you like and would consider as friends. There is something they bring to the friendship that makes them valuable in the exchange. They may bring humor, care, understanding, sympathy, fun, sense of adventure, information, help, skill, compliments, etc. Ask yourself what you bring to a friendship. What do you have to offer?
Friends Can Be Separated
In order to maintain a friendship you have to "keep in touch." When there is little or no contact, a friendship will tend to wilt or become stale and stagnant. Furthermore, you have to respond to contact from your friend. There have been some friendships that became damaged because of mechanical failure. Let's suppose you sent an email or left a message on an answer machine but the device failed or there was no tape in the machine. Once when we were leaving on a vacation, we left the answer machine on but had left the tape that recorded the messages out of the machine, somehow!! I can only imagine how many companions were offended thinking they left a message which we heard but that we refused to answer. The truth is that we never got any messages!
But friends can be separated by gossip and slander (Prov. 16:28; 17:9). It seems to me that the only way that could happen is that the person hearing the gossip about their friend would not go to him/her and ask directly, "Did you say or do what I've heard?" I would not believe what someone told me about what a friend was supposed to have said about me. It is my duty to ask my friend if I want to keep that person as a friend. Feedback is necessary to keep from being separated as "friends."
Faithful Friends Are Hard To Find
A friend that continues loyal in all circumstances is hard to find. Some people are "fair weather friends." That means that they are your friend when you are doing well and have a lot to offer. There are other people who are "foul weather friends" (companions for a short time). That means they only want to be around you when you are in serious trouble. They will offer a helping hand but few, if any, will remain if you stay down and out for very long.
Companions can become dear and beloved friends. To be a faithful friend a person has to put the other person on a par equal to or above the interests of self. Jesus chose 12 disciples. They were His companions and students at the beginning, but they became very close friends and He loved them to the end. He wanted to share His kingdom with them.
The Difference Between Disloyalty and Betrayal
There are people who might be your companions but who in time will just not put any effort into coming around you. Or, to put it more bluntly, will leave your presence. I call this "disloyalty." They are just not faithful to endure in the friendship. This happened to Jesus. After some strong words and hard to understand metaphors, many of His disciples left Him. He even became concerned about the twelve (John 6:66-67).
But betrayal is something else! Judas betrayed Jesus! He pretended to be His friend while he plotted to deliver Jesus over to the authorities for 30 pieces of silver! Even when Jesus said, "One of you will betray me", Judas still did not repent. One would think he would have said to himself, "This man can read my inner thoughts and knows what I'm thinking. Therefore, He must be the Son of God." But, no, not Judas. Not then. He just went out and did Satan's bidding. He ended up betraying Jesus with a kiss no less! One of the psalms was a prophecy of the betrayal of Judas (Psa. 41:9).
David and others knew what it was to be betrayed. "For it is not the enemy who reproaches me, Then I could bear it; nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man my equal, my companion and my familiar friend. We who had sweet fellowship together, walked in the house of God in the throng..." (Psa. 55: 12-15 NAS).
David complained in another psalm that they had "repaid me evil for good and hatred for my love" (Psa. 109: 2-5).
Betrayal of a friend has to be one of the most heinous acts of bad character. Remember, you don't have to stay friends with some one. But to betray them while acting as a friend is extremely bad character. It's the character of a Judas.
In his famous play, Julius Caesar, Shakespeare quotes Julius Caesar as he is being stabbed to death. He sees among those in the Roman senate, the man he believed to be his friend, Brutus. He cried out with shock, "And you too Brutus?!"
In our next Sabbath Thoughts we'll talk about picking friends and their importance and what friendship should mean to each of us as Christians.
There is also the friendship of Hushai to David. He is called "David's friend" several times (2Sam. 15:37; 16:16-17). David sent him back to thwart the good advice of Ahithophel after Absalom had taken over the kingdom.
A great friendship makes life sweet and the longer the friendship lasts, the better it becomes. Friendships like good wine get better with age.
The Bible, in both the Old and New Testaments, uses primarily two words in Hebrew or Greek that are translated "friend." One means a companion or comrade while the other is used of the friend for whom you have affection. After all, companions can become dearly loved friends in time.
Why Do the Rich Have So Many Friends?
"The poor is hated even of his own neighbor: but the rich has many friends" (Prov. 14:20). And, "Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbor" (19:4). Psychologists and other social scientists believe that relationships are set up and maintained on a "quid pro quo" (something in exchange for something) basis. If that be so, then we can see immediately why the rich has so many friends.
The rich has something to offer to the relationship. S/he brings money, if nothing else. Money can translate into many things -- entertainment, travel, food, things, etc.
But the poor and the sick are avoided (Psa. 38:11-16; 88:15, 18). Even when the poor calls after his relatives and his friends they still leave him (Prov. 19:7). Why?
Friendships are built on some form of exchange. What do you bring to your friendships? Think of the people you like and would consider as friends. There is something they bring to the friendship that makes them valuable in the exchange. They may bring humor, care, understanding, sympathy, fun, sense of adventure, information, help, skill, compliments, etc. Ask yourself what you bring to a friendship. What do you have to offer?
Friends Can Be Separated
In order to maintain a friendship you have to "keep in touch." When there is little or no contact, a friendship will tend to wilt or become stale and stagnant. Furthermore, you have to respond to contact from your friend. There have been some friendships that became damaged because of mechanical failure. Let's suppose you sent an email or left a message on an answer machine but the device failed or there was no tape in the machine. Once when we were leaving on a vacation, we left the answer machine on but had left the tape that recorded the messages out of the machine, somehow!! I can only imagine how many companions were offended thinking they left a message which we heard but that we refused to answer. The truth is that we never got any messages!
But friends can be separated by gossip and slander (Prov. 16:28; 17:9). It seems to me that the only way that could happen is that the person hearing the gossip about their friend would not go to him/her and ask directly, "Did you say or do what I've heard?" I would not believe what someone told me about what a friend was supposed to have said about me. It is my duty to ask my friend if I want to keep that person as a friend. Feedback is necessary to keep from being separated as "friends."
Faithful Friends Are Hard To Find
A friend that continues loyal in all circumstances is hard to find. Some people are "fair weather friends." That means that they are your friend when you are doing well and have a lot to offer. There are other people who are "foul weather friends" (companions for a short time). That means they only want to be around you when you are in serious trouble. They will offer a helping hand but few, if any, will remain if you stay down and out for very long.
Companions can become dear and beloved friends. To be a faithful friend a person has to put the other person on a par equal to or above the interests of self. Jesus chose 12 disciples. They were His companions and students at the beginning, but they became very close friends and He loved them to the end. He wanted to share His kingdom with them.
The Difference Between Disloyalty and Betrayal
There are people who might be your companions but who in time will just not put any effort into coming around you. Or, to put it more bluntly, will leave your presence. I call this "disloyalty." They are just not faithful to endure in the friendship. This happened to Jesus. After some strong words and hard to understand metaphors, many of His disciples left Him. He even became concerned about the twelve (John 6:66-67).
But betrayal is something else! Judas betrayed Jesus! He pretended to be His friend while he plotted to deliver Jesus over to the authorities for 30 pieces of silver! Even when Jesus said, "One of you will betray me", Judas still did not repent. One would think he would have said to himself, "This man can read my inner thoughts and knows what I'm thinking. Therefore, He must be the Son of God." But, no, not Judas. Not then. He just went out and did Satan's bidding. He ended up betraying Jesus with a kiss no less! One of the psalms was a prophecy of the betrayal of Judas (Psa. 41:9).
David and others knew what it was to be betrayed. "For it is not the enemy who reproaches me, Then I could bear it; nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man my equal, my companion and my familiar friend. We who had sweet fellowship together, walked in the house of God in the throng..." (Psa. 55: 12-15 NAS).
David complained in another psalm that they had "repaid me evil for good and hatred for my love" (Psa. 109: 2-5).
Betrayal of a friend has to be one of the most heinous acts of bad character. Remember, you don't have to stay friends with some one. But to betray them while acting as a friend is extremely bad character. It's the character of a Judas.
In his famous play, Julius Caesar, Shakespeare quotes Julius Caesar as he is being stabbed to death. He sees among those in the Roman senate, the man he believed to be his friend, Brutus. He cried out with shock, "And you too Brutus?!"
In our next Sabbath Thoughts we'll talk about picking friends and their importance and what friendship should mean to each of us as Christians.
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